Oct
12
2010

Have I Made The Right Decisions?

Recently, many things happened in my life…life-changing things that can affect my future plans. I have been itching to blog about this because I guess there’s no one out there that can truly understand me right now, or understand why I have made such steps.

What I only want is to be happy; the kind of happiness that I can’t get from my family or my existing “friends”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy being with my family and my friends, but this certain “happiness” is different from what I have already experienced.

As I have shouted in my Facebook wall last time, I never imagined that there is certain happiness that I can’t totally contain and I’m confused on how and what to feel for the first time. It’s not the happiness caused by love or something like that, it’s the happiness I feel because I totally enjoy the moments, where I can be “totally carefree” for the first time in my life.

After 30 years, I suddenly realized that it’s fine to be myself. It’s ok to be caught off guard. It’s alright if I can’t find reasons to everything. It’s never a problem to have no back-up plans. Suddenly, I can feel that my head is starting to let go of the unnecessary worries – of the unwanted stress. Suddenly, I’m starting to realized that it feels good not to worry too much about something that doesn’t really need my worries.

What I am afraid right now is that I’m starting to bare things that I have kept for a long time. The wall is starting to fade and I am getting more and more transparent everyday (and I hate it! but love the feeling). But when someone told me “are you sure they’ll be with you until the end?”, I started to doubt if I have made the right decisions. What also bothers me is that, why is there no one to support me on this? Don’t I have the right to be happy and enjoy life once in a while?

I just love their company! I just love being with them! I just love being crazy and laugh like there’s no tomorrow! I just love being carefree! Can’t somebody understand this?

I’m tired of hiding from my shell… I just want to come out in the open and enjoy life! If they leave me someday, or betray my trust (the most painful), I’ll just be contented of looking back and simply tell myself: “At least I’ve been happy…At least, I enjoyed the moments. No Regrets!” Life is a gamble and I’m willing to take the risk…Whatever is the outcome of this “insanity”, so be it! I’d be more than willing to face the consequences and take full responsibility of this “foolishness”.

About the Author:

Praning5254 is an insomniac who started blogging since 2008. She is an educator and a Clinical Instructor offline, who has the passion for gadgets and other technology-related stuffs. Online, she maintains several blogs of various niches, which depicts her passion for technology, health, food, movies, books and other interesting stuffs.

1 Comment+ Add Comment

  • Angga, follow what your guts tell you to do. Do not be a slave of time, of work, and other circumstances in life. Don’t even think what other people think about you. After all, it is you that dictates your life and happines not other people. As I always say to the younger ones, wala ka man nagakuha sang imo tiligbasan sa ila, so why worry what people say about you. Go out and enjoy life. IF you have to be with your friends partying so be it. You deserve it. You need to balance your life – mental, emotional and physical. Be spontaneous, and laugh more. Life is too short, enjoy it. As the song goes, don’t worry, be happy is my motto. Scarlet O’Hara said, tomorrow is another day.

    You can talk to me if need be. The buck stops here and doesn’t go anywhere else.

    Smile

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