Exposing Myself and Becoming Vulnerable

“I wanna get out of my shell!” This is what I keep telling myself for the nth time already. I don’t know why I can’t be myself just like anybody else. Sometimes, no, oftentimes, this issue creates a stressful day. It’s my fault, I know; but I’m also aware that if I’m going to reveal the “true me”, I will most probably be in trouble always (if you know what I mean…LOL).

I feel like somebody else depending on my environment. I behave differently when I’m at home, at work and anywhere else. I can be called “pretentious”, but what can I do? I’m a hopeless “People Pleaser”. But please, don’t judge me, I just don’t need further complications in my already byzantine life.

I believe, if my life will be given a chance to be featured in a cheap TV Series, it can really get people’s attention and can increase the program’s rating (bwahaha). Right at this moment, my hands are already itching to share with you even a glimpse of my true existense, but I keep holding on. I don’t want to reminisce those pasts, dwell on it and recall how distressful are those.I’m contented in always keeping you hanging and guessing… For those who already know what I’m talking about, thank you for not letting me know. Why “thank you“? because if I’m aware that you know how pathetic I was and I am, I will have to save my face, so… Thank You. Besides, I will be also greatful if you just keep it to yourself instead of “spreading the news”.

Back to my multiple personality disorder issue (if that’s what may I call it), I can be very passive and submissive when I want to (which is the exact opposite of me). At work, even if I don’t want to do certain things or disagree with somebody’s idea, I just smile sweetly and nod for affirmation (See how pathetic I am?).

At home, when I want something else to happen and people around me disagree, I just zip my mouth. When my opinion is asked, I also suggest but note that I end it with “…I know it sounds awful, so we can have your idea instead.”

I need to put an end to this predicament, but how? I don’t have enough courage and will power to do so… Or am I just afraid to get out of my shell, hide in a storage box, expose myself and become vulnerable? What do you think?




About the Author:

Praning5254 is an insomniac who started blogging since 2008. She is an educator and a Clinical Instructor offline, who has the passion for gadgets and other technology-related stuffs. Online, she maintains several blogs of various niches, which depicts her passion for technology, health, food, movies, books and other interesting stuffs.

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